Brits Continue Mentioning Dick Van Dyke's Accent Even Though I Haven't Posted In Weeks.

TimesOnline, June 7, 2008, "Podcast of the week: the satirical charms of The Bugle" by Chris Campling

My favourite segment, though, is the one in which Oliver actually pretends to be an American, in an accent so awful that it’s a mirror image of Dick Van Dyke’s “Cockney” in Mary Poppins. Stung by the criticism, Oliver establishes his bona fides: “Waddaya mean?” he says in his normal voice. “I left my apartment, and went down to my automobile, which was parked by the sidewalk. I opened the trunk, and found it full of potato chips.” It’s uncannily authentic.

Those Brits, as you know, are expert judges of American accents.

(By the way, in the mirror image universe, Dick Van Dyke's Cockney accent is really good. Also, Spock has a goatee.)

Den of Geek, May 6, 2008, "Luv-A-Duck! Guy Ritchie gets his mockney claws into Sherlock Holmes" by John Moore

I will, of course, be having nightmares for the next year or so about the complete mess this movie could be, I refuse to forget the car-crash that was The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Meanwhile, Hollywood extras are no-doubt polishing up their best Eliza Doolittle impressions for their turns of the streets of London as we speak. Expect Dick Van Dyke-ness and Vinnie Jones, somewhere. It's bound to happen.

Hack Worthy Indeed

Yesterday's story on the Radio Times poll about Brits doing American accents was so good that both the BBC and The Sun picked up the story. It must be important when stodgy old Auntie Beeb and a sensationalist red top cover it, right?

Both included the quote from Helen Hackworthy about Dick Van Dyke's accent.

“Just as Dick Van Dyke struggled with his English accent in Mary Poppins, so too are some Brits failing to pull off convincing American accents.”

Time elapsed since premiere of Mary Poppins:

15,9678 days

Time elapsed since someone mentioned D.V.D.'s accent:

1 day

British Survey About Bad American Accents Cites D.V.D.

This came in today via Google alerts.

Michelle Ryan 'has worst US accent'

Michelle Ryan's turn as the Bionic Woman has won her top place in a poll of the worst attempts at US accents.

The former EastEnder, 24, starred as Jaime Sommers in last year's remake of the 1970s cult series before it was cancelled because of the US writers' strike.

Eddie Izzard made second place for his role as Wayne Malloy in The Riches.

Anna Friel was next for her performance as Charlotte "Chuck" Charles, who comes back from the dead in Pushing Daisies.

Fourth place went to Hugh Laurie in his Golden Globe-winning role as Dr Gregory House in House.

Whiskey! Tango! Foxtrot?! Hugh Laurie's accent fools most Americans!

Lancashire-born Ian McShane is next for his role as Al Swearengen in Deadwood.

The top 10 was completed by Essex-born Sean Maguire in The Class, Minnie Driver in The Riches, Joely Richardson in Nip/Tuck, Louise Lombard in CSI; Crime Scene Investigation, and Dominic West in crime drama The Wire.

Helen Hackworthy, the editor of RadioTimes.com, which carried out the poll, said: "Just as Dick Van Dyke struggled with his English accent in Mary Poppins, so too are some Brits failing to pull off convincing American accents."

Just over 3,000 fans were polled on the Radio Times website.

I really like this story; Brits polled Brits to see who does the worst American accent, and then used it as an excuse to complain about Dick Van Dyke's cockney! Wow!


Time elapsed since premiere of Mary Poppins:

15,9677 days

Time elapsed since someone mentioned D.V.D.'s accent:

5 days

An Avalanche of D.V.D. Accent News

Oh dear. I've let these things pile up for a month now. Duty calls; I shall wax roth, and let the Brit press, en masse, feel my wrath! En Garde, you rascals of the fourth estate!

(Ooh, I've come over all swashbuckly!)

****

The Independent, May 11. 2008, "Noises Off: casting director Nina Gold on English roles going to foreigners"

What defines any actor playing "foreign" is that they must be exceptionally brilliant to pull it off – you don't want to get into Dick Van Dyke territory. The actors have to work harder because to get into the character they have to get into their voice – which means they have to get to grips with the accent and then be able to speak in that accent without thinking about it. If they are hardworking and talented, then good luck to them.

Time elapsed since premiere of Mary Poppins:

15,962 days

Time elapsed since someone mentioned D.V.D.'s accent:

19 days

****

Next, while this has nothing to do with Dick Van Dyke's accent, how could I resist the possibility of an Indian remake of Mary Poppins?

Sunday, May 11, 2008, "My movie is not a copy" by Prithwish Ganguly

Kunal Kohli claims that his next film is not a remake of a Mary Poppins even though the story sounds similar...

...speculations are rife that by the look of the plot of the film, it seems to be a carbon copy of the 1964 Hollywood film Mary Poppins. However, Kunal, who has previously directed films like Hum Tum and Fanaa is not on the defense.

“I think it is very premature for anyone to say that my film is a copy of Mary Poppins,” he said.

He goes on the front foot and challenges that the movie is entirely different from the Hollywood blockbuster.

“I advice people to see my film first and then draw conclusions. I’m telling you openly that my film is not a remake of Mary Poppins. It is an entirely different movie and has nothing to do with the English film,” Kunal said.

In the Hollywood film, a magic nanny (Mary Poppins) comes into the life of a banker and bails him and his family out of trouble. On the other hand, interestingly, Kunal Kohli’s film has Saif playing a rich man with four orphans and Rani plays an angel who comes in their lives to save the day. Sounds similar doesn’t it?

“Just wait for the film to release. You will understand,” says Kunal.

****

Burmingham Mail, May 12 2008, "West Ham United 2 Aston Villa 2" by Bill Howell

They travel about as well in the capital as Dick Van Dyke's Cockney accent as chimney sweep Burt in Mary Poppins.

(American translation: Dick Van Dyke's accent is so bad that it merits comparison to a football team scoring poorly during away games.)

Time elapsed since premiere of Mary Poppins:

15,963 days

Time elapsed since someone mentioned D.V.D.'s accent:

1 day

****

The Observer, May 18 2008, "Who could be Nancy? Missing TV panel member Zoe Tyler has her say here" Interview by Katie Toms

What about the favourite, Jessie?

It's obvious Andrew [Lloyd Webber] likes her, but last week I thought her singing was very weak. They did a section on English accents and she sounded like Dick van Dyke. The only option for her if she wins is to keep her broad Irish accent.

Time elapsed since premiere of Mary Poppins:

15,969 days

Time elapsed since someone mentioned D.V.D.'s accent:

6 days

****

Tottenham, Wood Green and Edmonton Journal, May 21, 2008, "REVIEW: CASSANDRA'S DREAM"

You wonder whether Farrell and McGregor are having similar thoughts by getting involved with the film - although neither are blameless, sporting the kind of ludicrous cockney accents that would make Dick Van Dyke giggle.

Time elapsed since premiere of Mary Poppins:

15,9672 days

Time elapsed since someone mentioned D.V.D.'s accent:

3 days

A Red Top Paper Says D.V.D.'s Accent Sounds Like He Comes from a Posh Girls' School

The Daily Star, April 22, 2008, "Lily's Gav Tribute"

Lily, 22, who as we know is master of complicated rhymes and the kind of Dick Van Dyke vocals they practise at Roedean, entitled the ditty From Barry to Billericay.

Apparently funny because Roedean is a fancy girls' school.


Time elapsed since premiere of Mary Poppins:

15,943 days

Time elapsed since someone mentioned D.V.D.'s accent:

2 days


****

Now, we hear from an American college student:

The Daily Titan (Cal State Fullerton), April 23, 2008, "THE LONDONER: A few tips on how to survive in the U.K." by Erin Tobin

As my trip to England draws to a close, here's a list of things, in no particular order, that my peers and I have really taken to heart over the last few months.

-Some things just look better spelled with a "u," regardless of what the spell-check says.

-Just because it's England, where they speak English, doesn't mean you'll understand anything anyone is saying.

-English accents are cute on everyone, no what matter age, location or gender - except for drunk Americans.

-Countrywide, it is agreed that Dick Van Dyke has the worst English accent in the world.

Really?! I never would have guessed! I mean, considering the following:


Time elapsed since premiere of Mary Poppins:

15,944 days

Time elapsed since someone mentioned D.V.D.'s accent:

1 day

Alison Moyet Can't Do an American Accent, Just Like D.V.D.

The Sunday Mail, Apr 20 2008, "Alison Moyet reunites with Vince Clarke for first time in 16 years", by Billy Sloan

She also tried her hand at acting and appeared in hit musical Chicago in London's West End, playing kailer Mama Morton opposite Denise Van OUten as Roxy Hart.

She said: "I'd always hated musicals. They're a bit naff. And me and an American accent didn't go too well together - it was all a bit too Dick Van Dyke."

Mind you, I'm not a professional language coach, but I think I see your your problem, Alison. The reason you couldn't successfully do an American accent was because he was attempting a cockney accent!

And what's up with those typos? "kailer"? "OUten"? For a moment there, I thought I was reading the Guardian.


Time elapsed since premiere of Mary Poppins:

15,941 days

Time elapsed since someone mentioned D.V.D.'s accent:

1 day

I have corrected the "Time elapsed since premiere of Mary Poppins" counter for the first time in a while. I just kept adding the total number of days since the last mention of Dick Van Dyke's accent to the time elapsed since premiere number, and I drifted way the hell off. I hope nobody was incommoded by my laxity this important matter, and if you were, I apologize.

Onward and downward.

There is a bit of bad news directly related to Mr. Van Dyke, and a bit of sad but inevitable news only tangentially related to him, and I have no desire to make jokes about either.

First, it seems Mr. Van Dyke's long-time companion Michelle Triola has cancer.

MARY POPPINS star DICK VAN DYKE's long-time partner MICHELLE TRIOLA is battling potentially-fatal lung cancer. Triola, 74, underwent surgery at Los Angeles' Cedars-Sinai Medical Center on 10 April (08), where she had part of her lung removed. The 82-year-old actor reveals it is too soon to tell how successful the operation was, but he remains confident she will recover. He tells the National Enquirer, "I couldn't really ask Michelle how she was feeling because she was still stoned out of her mind - just too far gone when they wheeled her back from surgery. Michelle had to have the upper lobe of a lung removed, but the doctors think she's clean."

We here at the MODVDA wish them both well.

As for the sad-but-inevitable news, Ollie Johnston, the last of Walt Disney's "Nine Old Men" animators died this week.

Johnston's work included such memorable moments as... the penguin-waiters serving Julie Andrews and Dick Van Dyke in "Mary Poppins" (1964).

Okay, I didn't mean for this post to be such a downer, but it is what it is, and now I've got to make the transition to the silly again, and I'm not really a writer with enough wit and style to make that shift in any clever way.

Still, I can take some pride in being a writer who recognizes a stale cliché when he sees one.

Oh look, there's one!

The Times, April 19. 2008, "My Week: George W. Bush" by Hugo Rifkind

My first meeting of the week, with the dude in the dress. Definitely not the Jap. “Bless you, my son,” he says.

“Fank you, my son,” I say, putting him at ease with my best Dick Van Dyke accent. He just looks at me. My aide studies the ceiling. Maybe it wasn’t so good.

You see, the joke here is that the President of the United States is so stupid that he thinks he should address the Pope, whom he is confusing with the Prime Minister of England, in an English accent which he thinks is authentic, but it's really Dick Van Dyke's Accent! See all the levels of comedy there? Oh deary me, that is so very satirical that I may have to sit down and mop my brow and fan myself as I recover from the deep belly laughs which so recently seized me.

I'm okay now.

Time elapsed since premiere of Mary Poppins:

15,940 days

Time elapsed since someone mentioned D.V.D.'s accent:

14 days